If i could tell her what i feel,

Inside my heart right now,

A part of me is saying hold back,

A part of me is saying go for it,

What do i have to loose,

I find my self now emotionalizing,

And pondering,

Have i met my match,

My mouth speaks words,

But my heart is speechless,

For this broken and torn heart,

Which such a token with thorns,

Is beating so fast against my chest,

For the whisper of her voice,

That lays with in my mind,

Is like nothing i could find,

In this place of refuge,

I cant tell her,

She wouldn't understand,

That she has slayed,

This shell in which i hide behind,

For her voice is where i found comfort,

All to know that one day we will be face to face,

In this beautiful place,

Well she take this hand,

To hold it nearest to her heart,

For i do not know,

For only time well tell,

So for know ill leave these thoughts,

Nearest to my heart for i know that's were they belong.

why is it.. that lonliness loves company. Feeling sad, upset, and lonly is a terrible combination. I wish i could just move on from this phase. To put all those feelings into a box and lock them up forever. I wish that i could find someone who understands me, who will know that if they break my heart it hurts more then the normal person. I may act like nothings wrong but there always is. The feeling of impending doom, the feeling of heartache, they dont go away easily. Yeah i maybe mental.. I may have a disablity, but why cant i just be a normal woman. To go out and have fun without worry. To have reposniblities and get things done. Its like i sit here day in and day out thinking of the past. I know nothing can come of it. But these feelings wont go away. I want to talk about it but words cant explain the pain i feel. I know this is just an emo blog. but its nice to get things off my chest. I know its only been 3 weeks but i just want to go on a vacation away from it all.. in a new enviroment, with nothing to stop me.

~Yuki

hey all tell me what you think about this!
                                                    -Yuki

Olabisi (aka Rosalie)

                        Long ago when mankind was young I lived as a Concubine for King Ramses. (1075 BC) Even thou he barely came by I was always without sleep, dreaming of a man that I could lie with and be wife to. It was every woman’s dream to fall in love. But being a concubine is a different story. You are selected by a group of men, they make an agreement with the father of the woman in  question. I was chosen out of my three sisters. I was the middle child, I mean it was an honor to be picked but it also means that I Cannot be with any other man but the one that I am selected.

            One night during one of the many parties that the King loved to hold a man appeared from the shadows. He was not of this land. He had long blonde hair and bright green eyes. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he was beautiful. He had come to  talk to the King. I never bothered to listen in on the Kings conversations but I was so enthralled with this new man that I couldn’t help it. Just listening to his soft velvet voice sent chills down my back. I didn’t care what they were talking about as long as I could just listen to that heavenly voice just a little longer.

                        The King looked so happy after their conversation and allowed the man to become one of his court. The King the said “If you wish you may take one of my women for the night." My heart skipped a beat. The pit of my stomach was getting as hot as lava. My palms were sweating. I never felt like this before. Was it love or lust? I didn’t care which one all I wanted was him. All the ladies lined up in a straight line and the man paced once stopping at one woman. My thoughts were filled with hatred for this girl, who up until now I had no problem with. I wanted him, I was the only one worthy to him. Then to my joy he stepped in front of me and said In that harmonious voice "Her". My heart skipped a beat as he held out his hand for mine.

                I took his hand, it was warm and soft but there was a spark of something like an immense power buried deep within. We walked down the corridor and to the left. We came to a door that Inever really noticed before. The door bore clouds and lightning and the god Set himself. It was breathtaking.

            He pushed open the door, as my eyes adjusted to the light the room came into view. It was enormous, dark blues and reds all over. A large canopy bed was positioned at the far side of the room. It had silk and satin linins. There was a hookah and sitting pillows surrounding it. I had never been in the room before, it was magnificent.

            Butterflies were starting to weld up in my stomach. He looked at me with those wonderful emerald eyes and said “I picked you, remember that.”

           He led me by the hand to the bed. He lied me down and began to undress himself. He removed his silk shirt button by button and let it slide to the floor. His toned hot body was sculpted like a god. I could feel my insides burning with desire. He then began to unbutton his pants. He then looked at me and smiled. He moved towards me crawling onto the bed, his long blonde hair cascaded down and around his face. That picture will forever be etched into my heart.

                He came closer and closer until finally he was on top of me. He looked up and down at me taking in my look and scent. Then he kissed me, it was soft and hot, the best kiss I could ever have dreamed of. His hands were everywhere. Touching, feeling, it felt like hundreds of tongues getting into every crevice of my body. Then it happened pure white lightning shot through my being, right down to my very soul. Climaxing over and over again even without penetration. How could a man do so much with just his hands. Finally the moment came, entering without hesitation, and no resistance. Pounding hard yet soft, I have never known such ecstasy. It went on and on for hours and hours, so much so that I believe I passed out.

             I awoke just before sun rise; the man was sitting on the edge of the bed, putting his clothes back on. He stood up and looked at me. “I will return for you soon.” He stated as he was buttoning up his silk shirt. I sat up and asked “Sir, please may I ask your name? I was rude and never asked.” He smiled then and said “Master, just call me Master. That is all you will call me.”

                 The next few days were a blur to me. I waited for Master. My nights were filled with dreams of him. How can he just all like that turn my world upside down. One day when I thought I lost all hope, he appeared before the King. The King seemed happy to see him. Apparently the King sent Master to do a quest and he succeeded. Then to my surprise Mast looked at me then to the King; he said “Your Majesty, Allow me to keep the one I chose before. I need her for my own.” Reluctantly the King nodded and said “Are you sure you want this one? I have many other women much more talented and useful then this one.” Master smiled then and said “She will be fine.” My eyes shot wide open and I stood up and bowed to the King. As Master walked towards me I bowed to him and followed. So with just the clothes on my back my adventure would begin.

                       There’s something wrong with Master, he never goes out in the daytime and he doesn’t eat. At least I never say him eat. I do most of the house work and shopping for Master. He never takes me out when he leaves. But when he wakes up after sunset he always makes love to me, and it gets better after each time. One time he bit   me so hard, but in the heat of it all it was breath-taking.

                        I often wondered where he goes at night. When I sleep at night he goes away, maybe to another woman? Could he be cheating? I know I am not his wife but I act as one. I couldn’t take it if he was with another. He had told me that I couldn’t go with him but I know he wouldn’t be that mad, right?

                        He woke up right on time and the love making was better than the night before. Weak in the knees and a head full of thought; I got dressed. Master had left the house a few minutes ago as I walked out of the back of the house. With one eye on him and one on where I was going I pressed on. He walked to the downtown district and after a few turns, almost to the point of getting lost I saw him. He stopped outside of a home and he walked in. I snuck up to the window, to my surprise he was kissing a woman on the neck, her arms dangling at her side. My heart skipped a beat as my eyes started to weld up with tears and start to fall. A small whimper escaped my throat. He looked at me; I quickly dove under the window. I needed to get out of there. I turned around and sat there for a little bit closing my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

                    I opened my eyes and there was a child crying and asking for his mother. “Mommy, mommy.” The child said. “Do you know where you live?” I asked. He nodded and grabbed my hand. He started to pull me away from the way I came. We were going deeper into the poverty area. We walked and walked until we came to a dead end. Confused I looked at the child and said “What is this? Are you lost?” The child let go of my hand and stood in front of me, he had stopped crying and said “I am in the right place, but you’re not. I’m sorry Ma’am but you’re going to die now.” Then 3 other children jumped out of nowhere. “What is this? I said with a lump in my throat and my skin turned white. The child flew into my arms and bit my neck. I could feel the blood rush down my chest. Then the others jumped on me causing me to fall flat on my back. They began to bit hard at all parts of my body. I slowly started to lose myself. I felt heavy, like I was fading away. Then I felt each mouth lift off me, but they were ripped off. I could hear them scream and hiss, then silence. I felt someone lift me up and then I fainted.

               
                When I woke up I was in my bed. I was sore and I was alive. I thought I was dead. My eyes fluttered open, Master was sitting beside me. Immediately I started to explain. He stopped me and said “I told you not to follow me and you did. You followed a child of the night and got yourself into trouble and almost died. Do not give me another reason to get rid of you. You are now my ghoul. You will obey me at every request. No questions asked. You will learn more of this at a later date. Now sleep and rest. There is a new world for you to learn about.”

Well today AkKi, Eric, Crispy and myself did a photoshoot. I havent done one in many many years so this one was just a feeler.....(teehee). I have to say that under the circumstances we all did very well. Well to start my day I woke up and I had an itching to do something creative. AkKi and I had agreed last night (When she was drunk) that we could do a photoshoot today. I had contacted Crispy via myspace and he agreed to be a model. So at last minute AkKi and I pulled something out of our asses and it was really alot of fun. Eric called and was wondering what AkKi was doing cause she was suppose to hang out with him today. So he came over and we used his digital camera...(damn nice one too..) So Crispy, AkKi, Eric and I all went out to take some pictures. So we went to St. Lukes Cemetary and took some, and then at the back of the cemetary there was alittle Church like thing. So we did pictures there and in the "mini" forest just to the south of the Church thing. Then we had to come back home cause the bugs and our light source were depleteing... So when we got home we went to the living room and Eric started to study while i got things ready for the next shoot. I put black fabric on the floor and placed these little paper latterns on top and pluged that in.. and The rest is well in the photos. tell me what you think.. please? You can find the pics at my myspace 
www.myspace.com/Yuki_Sempai ....Oh yeah.. Jay came over before we left for the shoot. He stayed with GiGi and watch TV while he waited for AkKi.

So now i am sitting in an empty house...for the past 2 days there have been people in the house all the time. So the peace and quiet is alittle odd... anyways I hope everyone involved really had a great time.

This was my staff for this little photoshoot.

Akki ~ Make-up Artist/ photographer
Eric ~ Photographer 
Crispy ~ Model 
Yuki ~ Director/model/ photographer

bye bye

~Yuki